SCARY MOVIE Written by Anthony “Ant” Johnson

The Wayans family is Hollywood comedic royalty. I’ve been a fan since Keenen Ivory and Damon first entered my world — Keenen arriving with his cult classic I’m Gonna Git You Sucka, then following with the wildly successful sketch comedy In Living Color. Since then, Shawn and Marlon have carved their own respectable marks in the comedic space. Waiting for the ball to drop? Good. So was I — and the drop is the problem.

Scary Movie is simply not funny. It is technically sound — that is not the issue. The issue is that the jokes consistently skydive into the abyss of corniness and played-out tropes: Black folks versus white folks, the gay Black man who doesn’t know he’s gay, the dumb bimbo. Funny and offensive is still funny. Not funny and offensive is just obnoxious — and while I was never offended, I was overexposed to some genuinely awful writing. These films also live and die by their cameos, that extra jolt that reminds you the culture showed up. Not here. Instead we get C and D-list actors who appear about as excited to be in the film as they are to give blood. I counted a few genuine laughs. A drop in the bucket for a film billing itself as 100% satirical horror.

Here is the real issue: Keenen Ivory Wayans directed both Scary Movie and Scary Movie 2 — and both worked. Shawn and Marlon are better as ingredients than as chefs. They’re funnier inside Keenen’s recipe than they are running the kitchen. Whether Keenen was asked and had to decline, I have no idea. What I know is this film needed him in that chair, and he wasn’t in it.

My verdict: I’d already eaten all my snacks before the film started — thanks to 25 minutes of weak trailers and car commercials so confusing I couldn’t tell if I was watching a Bond sequence or being sold a Toyota Camry. I don’t want either. Yes, none of that has anything to do with Scary Movie — but that’s exactly the point. When a film is good, you forget all of it. When it isn’t, the trailers become the conversation. I was genuinely excited when Shawn and Marlon regained control of this franchise. I was proud to root for them. But they forfeited the game.

Scary Movie is a 5/10 — and that’s me being a good sport. That is my honest recommendation. I stand by it.